Some quick thoughts – Why so serious?, Sickdays & Did you hit your child?

So this one is a quick post as had a few things that I wanted to say. Due to my loving wife having to fight of some kind of flu, she was having trouble breathing, which meant struggling to look after the little bean. This is actually the reason for both thoughts in this blog. If you knew my wife, which some of you will and a lot of you won’t, however she is a tough one that one. She rarely takes sick days, like one a century and that’s down to her iron will and her immune system of steal. So when the other half asks me to come home to help I know that she’s not just struggling with a small case of the sniffles. On arriving home I find my wife crying and in a lot of pain, so I take over and let her get some rest. Which is when I realized something had changed since having the bean.

Before having a child I would call in sick when I was ill (or wanted a day off) but it was my illness that stopped me. Now I find myself in work fighting off a cold at my desk because I have already taken off sick days for my little one. Sick days are reserved for our children now, we have to fight the illness at work to the moans and complaints from colleagues, it’s all changed now. Those with children will understand, but still join in with the moaning, and will sit and suffer when they are ill. We are in this together and our children’s health comes first, who cares about the parents?

So my second thought today happened when I walked in and took over baby duties. My wife had already informed me that our little explorer had decided to face plant into the fireplace and cut her mouth. What I didn’t expect was when looking at her to think she was about to ask me ‘Why so serious?’ or ‘Do you want to know how I got these scars?’ All she needed was a matching mark on the other side of her mouth, some white face paint, lipstick, green hair and I would have sworn I was looking at a mini (female) Heath Ledger’s joker. Luckily the marks not permanent (we hope) and will be gone in a few days (we hope) which got me onto another thought.

I wonder if people when they see a mark on a baby out and about, think that their parents must hit them. I mean our baby has had a few bruises from her exploring and I am sure she will endure some more as she discovers the world and the hard things that inhabit it. Sometimes it does look like we’ve hit her in the head, when in truth we just didn’t catch her in time as she falls head first into the side of the changing table. I’ve not had any looks of concern from other people but give it time, I’m sure it will happen.

Having to say goodbye to you kid

I currently work in an office filled with men. It’s a sales environment so you can guess the type of men I work with. Now this isn’t to say that they are horrible or nasty men, far from it, but it does come with some stereotypical work colleagues. Some of them are young but full of banter while the team I work with a similar age to myself. Two of these men are divorced and have a child of their own, which got me thinking. I struggle to leave for work in the morning, especially when I see my little super hero smiling and giggling at me. It beaks my heart to step out that door and leave her for most of the day. I have sacrificed going to the gym in the evenings now (head off before work instead) so that I can come home, eat dinner/feed the little one, bath her and join my other half in the spare room while she feeds her, waiting for my call to pick her up and place in her enclosure, sorry cot.

This is painful enough for me, someone who knows that they are coming home to the little one at the end of the day, but it must be worse for my colleagues. They both love their children, as much as I love my own, but due to a relationship not working out they now only get to see their children at certain periods. If you get a good ex-wife then this can be less of an issue as if you get a bad ex-wife, but the fact still remains the same, you have to give you child back after a certain period of time. This must hurt a lot, to have you child for a few days to know that once you’ve dropped them off that you won’t see them again for a few days or weeks. Like I said these guys are nice guys and love their children as much as I love mine but I can only imagine how they feel.

I wrote a blog before about working to live or live to work, and when I see my little ones face in the morning and when I get home, its a 100% work to live. As we all do we wish we could earn more and work less, but unfortunately it doesn’t work like that. We work long hours to pay the bills for a house we don’t spend much time in. The world is a messed up place but for me at least, I get to come home to my daughter each and everyday.

Work to live, live to work – defiantly the first

Working is like Marmite, you either love it or hate it, and most people will hate it. Unless you are lucky enough to work somewhere you enjoy, which most people won’t be, then we will work to live, to pay bills, keep a roof over our heads, food in our belly’s and things for ourselves or kids to enjoy. Work is a necessary evil in everyone’s world, though I for one believe we were not meant to work so many hours and so many days, with such short amount of time off, it can become too much for some. We spend the days looking and holding on to the smallest of things that make our days bearable, whether it’s a desire to do better, the colleagues you’ve made friends with or even the clock slowly ticking down till home time.

I’ve been luckily enough to work in the field and in a job that I enjoyed, a Personal Trainer, for over two years, however due to the fact me and the other half wanted to own our own home, I moved out of training and into sales. With that move we’ve managed to move out and buy a home, go on a few holidays, buy a surfboard each and also pay for our own wedding. Obviously this wasn’t all on my wage, the other half contributed more than me in all this, however due to maternity leave, I had to find a better paying job within sales. We both would love me to go back to training, as it something I am passionate about but I rather have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies than a job that I enjoy.

I lost my job in October, and what with the wedding and Christmas, it took a while to find a job. I started today, my first day on the job, and it was fine, even the getting up wasn’t an issue (though waking up at 5 to sort the baby out helped with that over the last month) and my other half has even survived her first day alone without my help (she was worried). Leaving my little one at home with the baby was tough, especially as I had been off with them both for a month, since she we had brought her home, and not because it was Monday or that I had to go to work, it was that I missed them both and helping out. I understand that this might wear off when she starts crying every time I get home or when I get a voice mail of my wife who has broken down and had enough, but going to work has gotten a lot tougher and coming home so much more of a joy than before.

Selfishness is not always what it seems.

My wife sent me a link to a great article the other day, titled Prioritizing your fitness isn’t selfish – it’s necessary by Eric C. Stevens. You can read it here; the general idea of the article is talking about peoples health and how some people may think that they are being selfish when looking after their bodies, whether its the fear of neglecting their friends and social status or even ignoring their part as a mother or a father. When I was a personal trainer my moto was ‘We are only given one body, look after it’ and I still stand by this. I love the gym, as does my other half, we love training and keeping fit, but we know that some people don’t enjoy the gym, or keeping fit, or being active which is their choice.

The issue comes when people start commenting on how often we go to the gym, or train, or how we prioritize looking after ourselves. Some people feel that this isn’t as important as work, career or family, and they are right, to some extent. (Before any arguments start I am not talking about anyone in particular, just people in general) We are told that we need to put effort into work, into our career, to make the most out of that opportunity, but why can’t we do that for our health? As I said, we only have one body and it’s true, we need to take care of it. Why is that selfish? To some I guess they feel that the gym is a luxury, something that we don’t need, but we do need food and shelter and family and money.