Please can you roll me over, thank you.

Our daughter, like her mother, talks in her sleep. Though not actual words yet, she still makes many noises as she sleeps. All which are picked up by the monitor at an audible level that we can hear over the television. Most of the time we leave her alone as after her random mumblings she falls back asleep. However the other night she was making more noises than usual and more muffled. So I decided to check in on her and what do I find, a face down mumbling baby.

She wasn’t suffocating, shes strong enough to pick herself up now and many times has she suffocated herself on our shoulderd only to lift up, gasp for air and fall back to sleep. So there she was face down and mumbling to herself. It was dark so I couldn’t see her eyes but when I rolled her over, boom she was back to nap nap land and sleeping like shes awesome. I left her to sleep and came to the conclusion that she was mumbling for someone to come turn her over as she was too tired to do it herself. Lazy little bugger but I love her.

It’s only logical Captain, unless you’re a baby that is.

Non of us are born with logic, this I have only recently discovered. Logic is something that most, not all, of us will learn throughout life. We will come to the conclusion of certain things ourselves and we will think logically about certain aspects of our lives before doing them. This is usually only affected by alcohol and poor decision making. So I find it funny when my baby decides to evoke baby logic, something I believe all babies have or don’t have, depending on what you think is logical.

Plank Logic;

This is named after the shape my daughter makes when she goes straight as a board or plank. Usually when she is hungry or in one of her moods, she will make her entire body rigid and straight, making it hard to hold her. It’s especially funny when she’s on your knee and before you know it, shes off.

Sleep Logic;

I’ve mentioned this one before, in a previous blog, however this one is my favorite. As adults we take for granted a lot of things but one of them is being able to make decisions based on how we feel. Babies on the other hand can’t do this, so when they are tired, instead of going to sleep they initiate sleep logic. A wonderful, magical world of screaming and crying to make you aware that they are indeed tired, instead of doing the logical thing and closing their eyes and heading to nap nap land.

Possessed Logic;

This might be due to the little scab she has on the back of her head but it’s amusing to watch non the less. It’s even better if she manages to throw up when she’s doing it, it’s like having a mini exorcist in the house. While holding her she will randomly start moving her head from side to side quickly, sometimes crying and wailing, as if possessed. I do hope she’s not possessed because well I don’t sleep much anyways and that would make sure I never visit nap nap land ever again.

Altitude Logic;

This is a fun one, not for your back or your arms but it does mean you get to explore your house a little more. Our little one has a tendency to cry, like a lot, however sometimes (and this is rare) having her high on your shoulders calms her down. My other half is short so sometimes if I put her on my shoulders she calms down. Maybe the air’s thinner up where I am for her or it just allows her to see over the sofa, chest of draws, bed, anything that the other half struggles to see over.

Random thought of the day – has my daughter gained new super powers?

So our little one is now almost four months old and boy has it dragged. In a good way of course, apart from all the vomiting and the middle of the night cries, these four months have been great. We have watched our bundle of joy grow and grow, learn and adapt. I’ve already mentioned about her leveling up (read here) and adapting (read here) but I fear that my little superhero has learned some new super powers.

She is already quite ahead of the game, standing (assisted of course) for long periods of time, her neck has held her head up practically since the first week (I think that’s down to her refusing to come out of the womb, using her neck to stop herself from budging) and she’s started getting fit with sit ups. However her new superpowers are something that are little different.

Kicking – Our little bundle of joy has always kicked. She’s got some strong legs on her, she takes after her mother on that one. She pushes her self up when lying on you, she holds her weight well and she used to occasionally kick when changing her. Now however this has changed. She has now discovered that her legs work and they work by kicking and stamping on the surface she is lying on. This usually, almost always happens when she’s on the changing table, getting changed or having a nappy switch over. Though it’s cute to watch her little legs go into over drive it can become quite frustrating, especially for my wife who is almost always kicked in the boobs.

Riding a bike – No our daughter is not that advanced, she is not riding a bike at the age of four months. She does however want to be riding a bike. This was discovered the other day when she was sat on her Grandmothers knee, legs dangling either side, she decided that she didn’t want to stay here and would ride away. Trouble was she had no bike and her grandmother had hold of her hands. Though you have to give her credit for trying.

High pitched squeals of joy – She’s cried and shes cried, she’s also started to giggle, but what she has also learned (evolved more like it) is the high pitched squeal of joy. This is highly effective when in a different room, looking right at her or holding her by your ear. A sonic boom of joy that shatters glass, ear drums and the hopes of her parents ever going to sleep.

I always said I was raising a superhero so let us see what other powers come to light as she grows older. I hope the power to sleep, listen to parents and never date till she’s at least 30 become her next super powers but we shall see.

9pm the Witching hour – or the hour when eyes become much heavier

BB (Before Baby), myself and the wife would stay up till 10.30pm before deciding that we should start getting ready for bed. Sometimes, if we are watching a TV Show, then depending on how enthralled we are in said TV show, we may decided to throw caution to the wind and head to bed gone 11pm. Now some of you may be shouting, or saying in your normal voice, that this isn’t really that late and you would be correct, it isn’t however it was our routine. 

Now AB (After Baby obviously) myself and my wife have found that 9pm has become the witching hour. Depending on how much sleep, or to be precise how little sleep, my wife has had the previous night and whether I managed to get unbroken sleep, now determines how late we stay up. After eating dinner ourselves, feeding the little monster, bathing and massaging her (if she hasn’t already fallen asleep) before a final feed, our night begins around 8.30/9pm. We watch a lot of TV shows, such as Gotham, Agents of Shield, The 100, elementary, and many box sets, currently on 24 series 4 (note; it took us 3 days to watch one episodes once, 24hrs pah, more like a few days), so there isn’t a shortage of things to plonk ourselves in front of.

We would watch as much as we could before dinner while she was feeding the baby, sometimes having to take it in shifts to eat, however we now bring her to the dinner table in her little rocker, so she can sit with us while we eat, the only time we get to watch TV really is after she is put to bed. Trouble with this is that we become tired, and our eyes soon slowly drift off, more so with my other half and rightly so. 9pm has now become a time when either we watch one or two episodes to catch up or we head to bed and catch up on those disappearing Z’s. So far catching those Z’s is winning this fight.

Grumble Bum and the Grumps – a short story

Grumble bum, which wasn’t her real name, but due to the grumps she experienced on a daily basis, had become her nickname. Her real name Skye, was but a name used when her parents where angry or even worse, disappointed with her. Her name was screamed from the top of their lungs, or whispered quietly as she looked at her feet.

The sun was out somewhere in the world, just not in this Kingdom, instead the rain clouds poured down from above, covering the world in a wet shiny layer of water. Grumble Bum woke sometime late morning, after a couple of nightly cries and tantrums, her hair scruffy and fluffy from the pillow she laid her head upon. She stretched and yawned, reaching as far as she could with her legs and her arms. She climbs out of bed, having to drop a few inches from the bed to the floor due to her size, she stretches once more as she heads to her door.

Grumble bum stops as she opens the door, for she suddenly feels different. She had a serious case of the grumps, but she had no idea why. She let’s out a piercing cry that echoes throughout the Kingdom, but unfortunately for Grumble Bum it’s not loud enough to wake her mother and father who currently lie in bed, completely dead to the world, mouths catching flies and snoring like a freight train. She was used to this, which meant she had to figure out what was causing this serious case of the grumps.

Firstly she decides that maybe she didn’t get enough sleep, I mean two hours a night isn’t enough for parents how can it be enough for her? She looks at her bed and decides this isn’t a good place to sleep, not at all, she needs to visit Nap Nap Land, high up on Blue Mountain Top. She grabs her blanket, pink and white and warm from her lying on it previously and heads out of the castle, into the Kingdom and off to Blue Mountain, which towers over the Kingdom below.

On her way she politely refuses to purchase any muslins from the market vendors who litter the streets, where there used to only be ten but within a day that number sky rocketed and now you couldn’t move without being asked to buy a muslin. As she leaves the Kingdom she manages to out run two panthers, mainly due to one being old and giving up after a few metres and the other being slightly chubbier and when got closer to Grumble Bum, decided it was too close and stopped.

Finally after a few minutes of walking she reaches the blue mountain and begins her assent to nap nap land. After an hour she reaches nap nap land, a land full of cushions, pillows, beds, comfy clouds and parent pillows for those looking to cuddle their parent. Once she arrives, grumble bum soon realises that she is in fact not tired at all. This was usually the case as her parents had found after trying everything to send her to nap nap land, she just wouldn’t go.

So off she trots back down the blue mountain to the Kingdom, trying to figure out why she had the serious case of the grumps. Maybe she was bored, this was sometimes the case, grumble bum was a very active person who needed to move about alot, so off she went to her favourite place when bored, the sea of play mats.

On arrival she stopped and saw all the other kids playing happily on hundreds of mats, some that were crunchy under foot, others that had things that jingled, others that rattled, some mats had hanging toys and some even squeaked when trodden on. It was fun for all ages, well maybe not for all ages but grumble bum enjoyed it. However after joining the other kids on the mats for a few hours she soon realises that she was not bored, and this was not the cause of the serious case of the grumps.

Taking the long route back to her home, sneaking past the sleeping beast, hairiest in all the land and the tiny wingless fairy who struggled to reach things on the top shelf. What could be causing this serious case of the grumps? She asks out loud, only to receive a response from one of the tree people. A short lady with a scruffy looking dog, accompanied by a gnome who was heading down to his favourite watering hole to catch some fish.

“Maybe you need to change?” She says before heading off with the gnome and into the forest. Grumble bum looks down at her clothes, she was wearing some dirty clothes from all she had done that morning, and decides to head home to change. She avoids the lunch time rush of the knights who eat too much, pops in to say hello to her aunt and uncle who run the local animal shelter, and finally arrives home.

Grumble bums had lots of clothes, all kept in her own part of the castle and guarded by her very own stylist in the form of her other aunty, the stylist to the family. After choosing an outfit, she tried some on but didn’t like the look of them so took them off, she realized then this was not the cause of the serious case of the grumps. Maybe I’m hungry she thought?

So off she trots across the castle to visit the walking, talking vending machine of milk, who now with her father was awake and getting on with their day, as best they can with their eyes half closed. The walking talking vending machine was always fully stocked no matter the time of the day, though her favourite time to feed tended to be when the vending machine was refueling herself.

After taking a few glasses of milk from the talking vending machine, followed by throwing most of it up, Grumble bum realized once more that this was not the cause of the serious case of the grumps. Even forcing a burp, or two, and visiting the toilet a few times didn’t relieve the grumps.

Finally grumble bum returns home, tired and still suffering from a serious case of the grumps to find her father waiting for her. She smiles and takes her spot in his arms for a great big, warm and safe hug, and as she slowly drifts away to sleep, she realizes that all she needed was a hug to get rid of the serious case of the grumps, well at least this time that’s all it took, who knows what it will take next time, which will be very soon as her parents know too well.

THE END.

Some more random thoughts

A couple random thoughts;

Not bothered anymore;

Since the little one has been born I have joined the millions of men who turned into dads and with that comes a sense of duty to my wife and my daughter. This involves certain disgusting duties like changing a nappy, picking out a dry bogey from her nose, smelling her bottom, cleaning up sick, dodging poo and sick, wiping wee and having sick stains all over my clothes, but you know what? I’m not bothered anymore, it’s now part of my life and I welcome it with open arms and the reflexes of a cat, especially when changing a nappy.

Some random thoughts from last night

So a quick blog here, just some random thoughts that have recently went through my head the other day, mainly in the evening when the baby isn’t sleeping.

Baby Logic – or lack there of.

So my little one was a bit of a cry baby last night (don’t really call it crying, as there is no tears) however the reason for her crying was because she was tired. I saw it in her eyes, as she tried to nod off, that she was tired and baby logic kicked in. Instead of fixing her issue of being tired, by closing her eyes and visiting nap nap land, she decided to cry and annouce to us that she was indeed tired. Either that or her logic was, if I am tired, I am going to make sure you are tired as well. Either way, it took a while to get her to sleep which brings me on to the next thought.

Car Journeys – or the exploring of the town in the middle of the night.

So to get our little one to sleep, or at least for an hour or so, we decided to head into the cold and take her for a drive. Summer must be easier for this, as it’s warmer you don’t have to wrap her up in a snow suit and a million layers, however the snow suit does give her some comfort, or enough to send her to sleep that is. As we drove around our town, I had decided to use this time to explore via car, I wondered how many other cars on the road where in the similar situation.

My other half headed out at 1am in the morning the other night, I wondered then, would she be the only parent on the road trying to get our little one to sleep? It’s a little creepy to stare into peoples car windows as you pass them by, but I’ve never noticed the tired look on a drivers face, or the screaming hell beast in the back, now fast asleep. Will keep an eye out from now on.

Baby monitors – or the voice of the hell beast in radio waves.

Once we had gotten the little one back home and into the cot, she went to sleep, as did we (for a few hours at least). Trouble with the monitor, next to my other halfs head, is the noises that the little one makes are now much louder than when she was in our room. Tiniest of sounds are amplified across the room, and you start the wonderful thing parents all do, worry over nothing.

So thank you technology, once more, you have now made us even more paranoid than we needed to be.

A few days of firsts but many more to come

Firsts never stop happening throughout our lives, a lot happens when we are younger but even as we are older we experience more and more firsts, depending how much you decide to experience in your life. First trip overseas, your first swear word, your first kiss, first fight (physical or screaming), first date, first lesson in a car, first drink, first lost phone, first time going into the city, first time panicking when lost in the city, first time passing out in a toilet, first accident on your bike, first time having sex, first time your parents walk in on you having sex, the list goes on and on and on.

So it’s been over a week now since our little super heroine arrived to wreak havoc on our lives and cause us unknown amounts of worry. We have listened to parents, friends with children and the midwife, and ultimately, as the midwife said ‘it’s your child, do what you feel is best.’ which is great advice, apart from you don’t know if what you are doing is for the best, but the little one seems to be doing fine, so I guess we are doing something right. 

Counting sheep and other thoughts that go through your head in the night.

Our brains are amazing things of creation, allowing us to think, speak, remember, forget, find, learn and many more things, all at the same time, without us really having to do anything. Some have smarter brains than others, others are more creative in their brains, others sometimes don’t use theirs to it’s full potential (some don’t even use theirs at all) but all brains are incredible. They decide to forget certain events (especially if you’re a man) and they decide to remember certain events from the past, even the most insignificant memory (especially if you’re a woman), they will learn and collect information without you even realizing, they will retain knowledge and understanding and they will completely shut down when you’ve drunk too much.

Another great thing that our brain does is think about things at the completely wrong moment. Walking home down a dark alley, being ‘followed’ by another person, our brain doesn’t help us by keeping us calm, it instead remembers the horror stories, the news reports and even makes it’s own stories up, about the killer who lurked in the shadows of this very alley. Other times you will over think things, like when younger and asking out someone you like, before you’ve even spoken a word to them, your brain has already run through all the scenarios in your head and non of them end well.

Our first night with our daughter Skye was eventful, in the fact that nothing happened in reality, but in our heads everything was going on, every possible thought and fear decides to rear its ugly head.

The night of the sleep deprived worriers

Horror films love to put the characters in dark places, usually at night and most of the time alone and scared. A creature of human or other origin, stalks the victims with eerie ease while the victims forgot complete logic and commonsense and run around their surroundings like blind mice, ultimately finding their demise in some gruesome and ludicrous way (which may make you laugh or throw up). Our horror story began Tuesday night, at 9pm, and like true horror stories it was dark, slightly foggy, cold and we had a creature to cause us torment.

This little creature, only little but still scary, was human and not of other origin (at least that’s what we are told) and she was now our new roommate. Like a thriller or horror film where the villain is a roommate, this was much worse, for she wasn’t doing anything but being herself. Who was this creature, our daughter, Skye.