Checklists, checklists, checklists everywhere!

The only time I do check lists is when I go on holiday, not coming back from holiday as at that point I don’t care what I put in my suitcase, but I don’t like the feeling of not being prepared for my vacation. I don’t want to get to my destination and forget something that was needed. Mostly I know what to pack and the essentials I don’t forget, but occasionally I have forgotten an important piece of holiday packing.

The reason I am talking about packing is that I dug out the sheet that I got from my ante-natal class, which is a checklist for dads. Now I know a visit to the hospital is no vacation, defiantly not for the other half and defiantly not for you, but the idea is the same, a checklist of things to do before, on the day and in labor. Some of you may already have a checklist, some of you may think about winging it and some may not have a clue, but this is what I have been told to do, the checklist for expecting dads.

So first things first, as is the way with most things, a checklist for things to do in advance of the impending doom, sorry I mean, arrival. Some of these are obvious, some of them are not so obvious and some you may think I do that anyway, and then on the day completely forget.

• Ensure there is fuel in the car. Seems obvious but when labor hits and you jump in the car and remember, ‘Oh yeah, was going to fill up in the morning.’ your other half may just slam your head against the steering wheel, repeatedly.
• Keep the hospital number on your persons, as you never know when all hell is going to break and where you may be.
• Know your way to the hospital. Sat nav will help but if your other half is screaming at you, it may not be quick enough and you may fumble around with the address and postcode, so have a general idea where you are going and plan a few routes, the government are great at planning roadworks when you don’t need them, like all the time.
• Have change for the phone and car parks. If you can’t get outside to use the mobile phone, as you can’t use these inside then make sure you got some change for the pay phones, yes they do still exist, mainly in hospitals. Also, car parks sometimes only take change, some now take cards but just to be on the safe side, bring a pocketful of change.
• Parents can sometimes be a pain in the ass, actually they are a pain in the ass a lot, especially when it comes to the baby, as each knows best. Well they did raise the most awesome child ever, you, so lets give them some credit. But to keep parents happy, and to stop them annoying the ward you are in, let them know you will call them AFTER the birth. The mother doesn’t need any more stress so be forceful when you tell them, even if you do get a spanking after by your own father.
• Discuss the birth preferences in advance with your other half. These may change during the labor but at least you know what she would like, even if she blames you for not getting them.
• Have a list of people you will need to ring to let them know that the hell is over and something came out of it at the end, mainly your relationship in tact or the baby, maybe that.
• Keep a small bag full of clothes, some toiletries and spare underwear, in the back of your car, just in case you end up checking into the hotel also known as the hospital, for a few nights.
• This one is important to me, I love my food, and get very grumpy if I am hungry, which my other half knows all too well about, so I’ve packed a bag just for snacks, mainly for me but some for her, if shes able to eat. If not, more for me.
• If you have pets, mainly dogs, make sure you’ve made arrangements with someone to feed and walk them. Also remember to tell them that they need to do this, as at 2am in the morning, while they are asleep and you are not, they won’t know that you are in the car heading to the labor ward.
• Make sure you have distraction techniques and equipment ready for when you get to the hospital. Most important bit I learned at the Ante-natel class was to make sure you distract the other half as much as you can, so bring a book to read her, a board game (travel sized is probably best) you can play together, and if you can, some music. My other half already has her giving birth playlist, will sell it on if it does well for us.

So that’s all the stuff you are told to do before you even arrive at the hospital with a screaming hell beast, shouting all the swear words under the sun, mainly at you and your man hood, for it is all your fault, obviously. Secondly, on the day checklist is as follows;

• Do not panic. Panic is bad, panic makes you do stupid things. Panic makes you forget things. Even if things are not what you both planned for the big day, do not panic and take it every step at the time. Though your other half may be screaming at you till shes blue, or red, in the face, just remember DO NOT PANIC.
• Remember, your other half. There is nothing more embarrassing than arriving at a destination only to realize you’ve forgotten the most important part of the process. As well as remembering the other half, remember the bag she’s packed for her and for the baby. as well as your own bag, especially the one crammed full of snacks.
• If you can remember this, ice cubes in a flask apparently are great for sucking on while in labor. For the mother to be, not you, you FOOL.
• Remember to remind her, though shes screaming bloody murder, that she needs to phone CDS before leaving home.
• Lock the house, obviously.
• Before entering the hospital switch mobile phones off, or onto Airplane mode at least. Don’t want to be taking a phone call during the labor, you won’t be able to hear a bloody thing.

So now you have prepared yourselves for before the labor, you’ve managed to get out the house with everything you needed, including the screaming hell beast and you are now in labor, well she is, you are just standing there looking smug. A checklist for when she is in labor;

• Give as much support as you can both physically and mentally. If she tells you to shut up, shut up. If she tells you that you are talking to much, cut the chatter down, do as she asks, no matter how infuriating it can be.
• Massage the aching parts of her body. We got taught a bit of this during Ante-natal class but really it just involves putting pressure on any muscles that are aching and being stretched beyond the norm, so just do as she asks, and press down hard, harder than you think.
• Distract, distract and distract. Just like location, location, location, distraction is important. It keeps her mind off what is going on, the pain, the fact this is all your fault and it will help calm her down. A calm mother to be, is the best frame of mind to be in.
• Help keep her mobile, if she can, being up and about is the best. Gravity will help baby and moving will stretch and ease sore muscles, well as best as possible I suppose.
• Encourage slow and controlled breathing, this is were all those TV shows and films come in handy.
• Make sure that she remembers to empty her bladder every 2-3 hours. If shes like my other half, then she will know when to go as the little hell beast inside will headbutt her bladder and let her know.
• Keep praising her and communicate verbally and by touch, though she may be distracted, she will know you are there for her, as that’s all you really can do at this point.
• You may be the mode of communication between mid wife and other half, as usually at the end of the first stage, ladies don’t always respond to the midwife all that well. Women not communicating with each other very well, who knew?

So there are a couple of check lists for you, if you are expecting a little one of your own. I for one, have done a couple of things on this list, I best start getting the others done as well.